Thursday, April 29, 2010

Reeling in the Cash

Today we got some really difficult news about our finances. Our 2009 tax return will not yield us as much of a return as we’d hoped - as we’d set our hope of affording adoption on. We might get back $3,500 - a far cry from the $25,000 we need. My DH left the message on my voicemail - even he hated to leave it. But he was driving back from the accountant’s office, and so he couldn’t talk about it once he got back to work.

The wind just flew out of our sails. We feel melancholy beyond words. I told DH ‘no matter what, God is still good’. And He is.

But this news - it’s so, so bad. SO bad.

What in the world will happen now? It was like the tax return was our ‘permission’ to pursue adoption. What were we to believe about our family now?

Does our family matter to God?

Of course it does, because he is strong, he is loving (from the Psalms). But it does not FEEL like we matter. I wish I had been spared this disappointment.

We just didn’t need another disappointment.

I’m heading to Memphis next week for Mom’s thyroid surgery. It will be a tough time to be with her, but I’m casting it all on the Lord. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer last week and is having her thyroid removed next Wednesday. Wow. I have no energy to deal with this, you know? So, in that case, the Lord's loving arms are open for me....

At any rate, it's been a rough little while.

Off I go to take a walk.