Sunday, May 29, 2011

Letting It Go

Well, friends, I have a song on my mind today - Amy Grant's Somewhere Down the Road.

I hope this song echoes something in each of you, too.  For me, it's my life right now.  I don't understand so much I've experienced, leaving a lot of room for God to heal me.  That healing hasn't been finished yet.

We celebrated our 14th anniversary this week.  It was good, and it got me thinking (dangerous, I know, especially with infertility in the mix).

Love you all.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Living for Tomorrow

Well friends, I am 'trying' to no longer live for tomorrow, but only for today.  Today is all we have, and in it is something precious.  I have often lost sight of this in my struggle with infertility.  God is trying to show me how important living in the present really is.

I have been so tired lately.  The adoption stuff is going so slowly - we have heard nothing since I last updated you.  It is time to begin to renew our home study already - sigh.  I don't wanna redo this since - whine, whine, you know the drill.  I am casting it all on God and He is holding it for now.  I am too tired to begin working on it.

My house is a mess.  I say that, and well, if you came over, it's really not that bad.  I would have to do a few things to tidy up if I knew you were on your way over.  Sometimes, on a day when I'm off work, I'll just be so tired all I can do is sit on the couch and watch Nex*t T*p Mode*l reruns.  Then I make a deal with myself.  Just clean such-and-such or pick up this area, and you can sit back down again.  It works! Just the smallest goal can keep me moving.  Right after I rest again.

I haven't been going to the gym lately.  Well, as some of you may know, Alabama received some very severe weather a few weeks ago, with some of the most deadly tornadoes in the history of this country. A dear friend's town was decimated, but she is ok and so is her house.  However, life for her has been very difficult since she is a pharmacist and has been serving those who have lost everything. We are very blessed to be ok, but we were without power for almost 5 days.  Our home is fine as well, which is no small blessing since we have a yard full of mature trees.  Thank you, Lord.  I did some praying that day for sure; not as though that saved me, but you know what I mean.

So, my schedule is all off after our power outage. DH's grandmother passed away in Iowa the day after the storms here in Alabama, and we traveled to Iowa to go to her funeral the Monday after the storms, leaving the house still without power.  While we were gone the power returned!  The funeral was surreal, with so many family members we were meeting for the first time.  DH was close to his grandmother as a little boy, but not as an adult.  We were blessed to have been able to go to honor her.

DH has found us an elliptical machine.  It's used but he wants me to see it today.  Hence the gym membership may be going by the wayside.  The elliptical is expensive, but it may be worth it.  I plan to try it out later today.

In honor of living for the moment, I am headed back to bed for a wink or two.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

To All of Us Moms

To all of us moms, whether in heart or heaven, whose arms are empty, whether of all our children or of any:

Love like a river
Courses through my veins
And it won't ever extinguish.
It's all for you.

My Lord holds me up
He holds you in his arms
Until He brings me home
To Him, and to you.

This lonely journey
On earth, feels eternal
Until I can look back one day
And see You were always there.

Anguish thick like honey
Nothing can wash it away
Why is it all I have?
Why don't I have your smile?

Who will call me 'mommy'?
The best mommy I can be,
I will.
Even though it feels like
Maybe I shouldn't be.

Hiding in my bed
I long to stay hidden forever.
One day I will emerge
A lush rose with dew drops.

Know this, my love is here
For always.
Love is eternal
My love is eternal.