Lock-In

When I was a youngster (whatever that means - heavens), periodically I would be invited to a church lock-in. This was a night at church spent playing games, going bowling, watching movies - basically anything to keep us up all night, while we were 'locked-in' at the church or with the church group. It was fun - it felt like breaking the rules, but was in the confines of the church and chaperones. A little mischief always went on... but it was nothing major at the ones I attended, anyway.

Today, my friends, I'm having my own Lock-In.

I work part-time as a pharmacist - a stressful job. I'm off on Wednesdays, and while I usually have my schedule pretty full - gym, wash clothes, take my car in, Wednesday night Bible study - today, I'm locking myself in.

Why, you ask? Well, I got another pregnancy announcement last night, thankfully via email. But it wasn't easy to receive.

My hubby called out from the next room, sweetie you better check your email. We both get emails from our Sunday school distribution, and he had already read it. As soon as I saw the sender, I knew. 'Oh, no - oh, man' I said. Let me say, these friends have been through a very bad situation - their first child passed away of anencephaly (lack of brain formation) a few minutes after birth, at around 20 weeks. This was maybe 7 or 8 months ago. So I am delighted to know that they are in this place, however terrifying it must be. They said the doctor wants to follow this pregnancy very closely. Understandable. And then an ultrasound was posted on Facebook.

I've officially banned myself from Facebook for as long as I can muster. And I did block their posts, I'm sad to say.

They are the "last couple": the one who, when they got pregnant, I was officially going to feel hopeless. I can think of only one other couple in our Sunday school class who isn't either pregnant, doesn't already have children or isn't adopting. And this is by choice. And then there's us.

My friends who announced their pregnancy - let's call them the King's - have patiently waited 'their turn.' Don't get me wrong. As unfair as having to wait for a turn really is. And we all know it is. But WE have waited - BEYOND our turn. And yet, nothing.

I'm not going to Bible study at church tonight. I just can't bear to be around people. I'm one of those people who gets energized by being in solace. So, here I am, posting to you all, watching America's Next Top Model reruns, and washing a few clothes because I'm a hopeless neat freak.