For the first time in 2 years, I played a Christmas song in my house. I'm a Josh Groban fan, and I played a song from his Noel album. I haven't felt emotionally safe enough to allow myself to acknowledge that Christmas is occurring, occurring in the world around me, but not for me.
Of course, Jesus came to this earth for each of us, myself included. But not being able to celebrate this child-centered holiday in the traditional way for 4 years now has worn on me.
There is no tree up, though I own 2. I did hang a Christmas card wreath we bought last year from Will&ams-Son%ma. I have to say, I was able to smile a little with its hanging.
God and I have been on a healing project for my heart. The journey is long and still ongoing. I want to quit - so, so much - but I've come too far. Surely I am closer today than I have ever been to my future babies!
I have 3 babies in heaven, and I miss, miss, miss them. I attached a Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope button to this blog to reflect my appreciation for each of the ladies on their website. Their courage at sharing their stories is inspiring. I feel less alone because of them.
So, how would you fill in the blank of my blog title?