Saturday, January 9, 2010

Cleaning Grief

Well, friends, today I'm experiencing 'cleaning grief'. Good grief, what now, you ask? Well, when you clean out your garage and find yourself making space for the kid stuff - when you don't have any kids yet - you get 'cleaning grief'. When you find your Girl Scout badge folder from 1984 that details the child care badge you completed when your brother was born, and you don't have any kids yet... well, you get the idea.

We've lived in our home for over 4 years, and when we moved in, my hubby was in a residency program across the country. He finished the program and moved here, but I was on my own at the house-signing and for the move across the country - quite a fun ride with my mother-in-law and 2 cats (15 hours of driving). Needless to say, I didn't organize so well back then. And my dreams were so different.

I began cleaning our extra basement room today. So much to go, but I must focus on what I got done. Always crafting ambitious, I had saved license plates and broken bowls, wooden boxes and greeting cards - each in the hopes of creating a masterpiece one day. I'm more of a hodge-podge putter together-er, as opposed to a true artist. But to me, this is my way to self express.

I realized today that I will not have the luxury to explore all of these creative options. I'm ok with it, I guess. Our trash bin is full for the week already. I had always planned to be a stay-at-home-mom. Well, it's a 'no' on the mom part for now and on into the foreseeable future, and a 'no' on the stay-at-home part, too. I'm a part-time pharmacist, and if you know any retail pharmacists (think Wally world, though that's not where I work), then you know why I work part time. I would lose my mind otherwise.

I'm blessed to have a job. I'm blessed to have a job. I'm blessed... (you can tell this is a process)

Something I'm Not is... through cleaning yet. Though I'm taking a major break so I can - go back to work. Yea!

1 comment:

  1. I'm thankful that i never really went overboard in purchasing items for our hoped for baby. I bought a few - it was a tiny "hope chest" but i think i have now disposed of them all.

    Trying to figure how to put my/our life back together without the hope of children - or grandchildren either. I'm not sure what my life will look like in the future, but am trying to build it.

    But i have hope that it will work better for you. You're still young enough that you've the possibility for life to come thru . . .

    Hoping that 2010 will be the year!