Sunday, July 19, 2009

Everything's Different

I opened a few windows this morning.  Pollen is highest in the morning, but I figured I better let in the fresh air while I can - this is July, after all!  How different for July - a mild morning in the 70s in Alabama!  Surely we haven't had a July day like this in years.   And we may not again.

Hubby is at church - where I should be.  I was up late last night - afraid of how this IVF is going to turn out.  Not a good excuse, but I've found that sometimes I have to find my own way in my relationship with God.  I try my best to yield to His guidance, and though I fall far short I know, He knows my heart.  

Yup, I'm very afraid of what the future holds for us.  I try not to be, but the truth is the feelings are there.  I know my God is going to grow our family - though I don't know how, or when or why it has taken SO long and hurt SO much.

Now that we've done IVF #2, I think we are pretty much done with the IVF thing.  We have 3 frozen embies, but so far, it's hard to trust in that.  We did one FET (frozen embryo transfer) with IVF #1, but it didn't work out.  Since I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve), I know I'm at a higher risk of miscarriage and of poor egg quality.  So far my RE (reproductive endocrinologist, whom I'll call Dr. Kind) hasn't mentioned these things to me.  He's much too - kind.  Yes, that's right.  I'm lucky like that.  He is immensely talented as well, but keenly aware of what it feels like to lose your dreams.

I'm very fortunate to have my medical team.  Even if we never make it to our ultimate dream of having our own biological child, I know God has blessed me with the best nurses and RE ever. They are friends - as close to me as my family - and I know God has used them in my life.  I cannot forget that.

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