Saturday, July 18, 2009

I'm 35 Today

True, something I'm not... is a mother (to a living child).

But, I am 35 today.

It's been one of those sit-around-in-your-pj's-all-day-and-watch-your-hubby-play-old-video-games-on-his-Playstation 2 kind of days.  I just didn't feel like getting it all together and going out to eat.  Hey, we can celebrate my birthday ANY day we want, ya know?  So, just not today...

I found myself warmed by the birthday wishes of my friends this year like no other.  Maybe it's because I've tried to be more open with my friends, and somehow, they feel like they know me better now.  More likely, it's because I'm lucky.  I've found the friends I was born to have. Sounds corny, but when you've been lonely for a lot of your life, it's a blessing.

So why have I been lonely, you ask?  Many reasons: myself, my ways of relating to people or lack thereof, my fears.  And I'm still quiet in a group of people I don't know, still shy, but now - I know that's not the end of the world.  I've grown to accept myself.  And that is a journey I'm still on.  Infertility keeps you on that road.

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