Don't get me wrong - dour, cold gray days can get old. Even if they accurately reflect my state of mind.
But warm sunshine? Green grass clumps growing? Daffodils? Birds merrily singing?
I'm not ready for that.
It's like I'm walking down a path of broken rocks in bare feet. Next to me is a path of softest spring green grass, but I am not allowed to walk on it. God says, 'no, I want you to walk down the other path.' How it hurts, how it isolates. How it hurts!!!!
Why even HAVE the other path? Why must I even know it exists? I ask Him, if You're not answering MY prayer, why are You answering ANY?
As per usual, I hear only silence. And birds merrily singing.
P.S. - God and I are still talking. But our relationship is surviving amidst great agony.
Yes, i understand this feeling. I had a break thru recently in my spiritual life, but i'm still struggling with envy, jealousy, resentment, & bitterness.
ReplyDeleteI read a post by someone on the things she has had to give up & can't help but wonder, "What kind of God would require this of her???"
I wish i could just "make it all better" for you, for her, for all of us. Hugs
Rebecca, my heart hurts for you. I'm praying some very specific prayers for you during this season -- this season of the year and of life. Just want you to know you're often in my thoughts.
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