Hey, all. Well, I've never said, and you've never asked, but this blog title is all about contrast. It's about conflict, as well. Infertility creates some powerful storms in our marriages, in our hearts, souls and minds. Let's face it, it's just 'not the way it's supposed to be', this inability to create physical life in and through our wombs.
I originally named this blog Something I'm Not. I am not...
- a mother to a living child
- defined by my infertility.
Then I changed the blog name, some months ago, to Someone I'm Not. It seems to reflect how I feel more accurately. I am not...
- bitter (angry, sure)
- controlled by my life circumstances.
It can go either way, the blog name. But the controversy exists within me, so I decided to go with someONE I'm not. Someone I'm Not also refers, perhaps more importantly, to how set apart I feel. I feel lonely alot of the time and I don't think it's by accident. But I'm no pretender. If I don't have something in common with you, and we just don't 'click' as friends, you'll know, but I'll love you just the same.
I feel terrifically conflicted in my heart, yet I will keep loving. I feel very lonely at times, but I will reach out.
Contrast. It's my life.