Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Warning... this is a rant.  Aunt Flo decided to come today - on the positive, it was due on Mother's Day.  I work on M.D. this year - my co-worker pharmacist is dedicating his baby girl in church that morning, and I could tell he was not cherishing asking me if I'd come in to cover for him.  At least he's splitting the day with me.  It's an 11 to 7 shift - those Sunday shifts have gotten SO long.  It used to be a 12 to 6 shift, so you could make it to an early worship service then have just enough time to swing by McD's and slide into work right before the demanding just-out-of-church crowd got there, but no longer.

And that wasn't the rant.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom and I said I'm having a really rough time this year, so I'm sorry but I won't be able to buy Mother's Day cards.  She said "well, can (DH) go get them instead?  Then you could just sign your name."  Taken aback, I just kind of sat there and said, well, I'll have to see if he can, but I usually am the one who picks out the cards, so I dunno... She just said "well, that's an idea."


You're my MOTHER.  And you're (supposed) to know how painful, heartbreaking, gut wrenching, life-changing, etc. infertility, miscarriage, and most recently, our failed adoption is.  That's the thing with her - and it feels so wrong saying this about my own mother, knowing how much I honor that role in life - she is very manipulative and not very real.  I can't make it in this life not being real.  Yet she chooses to live that way every day.  She denies the pain that she is in, and won't talk about it, but it comes out in hot spurts like those words, especially when only she is around and no one else can hear her saying something mean.  A lot of times my dad gets on the phone too, and she won't talk like that with him there.  He wasn't home that day, but if I brought up how much what she said hurt, she would deny that she said it. Yep. I've tried that in the past.  She is always right.

So, last night I came home from work and addressed her envelope, and the card didn't fit!!  So, now I get to go the card store and ask the associate for an envelope exchange!  How often does that happen!?!? Normally, it would be funny, but in this case, the very thing I didn't want to do - go to the card store - is going to happen.


Such is the spiritual battle that is my life.  It really does feel like I'm on the front lines these days.  Make no mistake, satan is at the front of this battle - whether it's the failed infertility treatment skirmish, the miscarriage broken-heart mayhem, the abortion debate (that's a subject unto itself that I am very passionate about - translation: I need to avoid it like the plague), or adoption itself.  I see him trying to advance against those whose true desire is to care-take and love like Jesus.  But our Lord has won the victory!  His, and therefore our, victory is sure. Romans 8:16-19

On the lifestyle change front, we are still on it!  DH has lost 40 pounds now, with a goal to lose 15 more! It's not fair how men can just lose it so much faster than we can.  As for me, I'm down to the last 7 pounds, and those last few pounds are far harder to lose.  I'm still eating as healthy as I can, with occasional indulgences, but still no fried foods, no artificial sugars, no carbonated beverages (mostly).  I've started Turbo J*am at the recommendation of a friend, and apparently I'm a little late to this party.  It's been around awhile, but it really seems to target the abs.  I can already tell after 2 weeks that I have less of a tummy and my hips are slimmer.  I've had to buy pants as we can afford them, and it feels great!  There's a lot of punches and kicks in this workout, and I'm following the advanced series of workouts for 6 days a week. Phew!  It's tough, but I wanted to change things up a bit, get a bit more of a challenge - and a challenge I've got!  You can find the TJ workout DVDs on beachbody.com.

1 comment:

  1. You deserve a rant honey and honestly, I am so in awe of your strength and inspired by your faith. I often wonder how people make it through such things without faith! I'm very sorry about your mom and really think our lives are so similar!

    I started Brazil Butt Lift from Beach Body, I'm only on day 3, but wowza, I can barely walk!!! I'm so very very very happy for you that you are getting to buy new pants, you deserve that and have earned it!!!! Congrats!

    Continuing to lift you up in prayer!